Monday, March 28, 2011
Pancake Monday Made With Love
Since this may be our last Mommy and Gavin breakfast together for awhile I thought I'd capture the moment...
Saturday, March 26, 2011
happiness, hit her like a train on a track
One of my final OBGYN appointments is tomorrow afternoon. I'm hoping it will be the final one. I've been feeling very anxious lately and hoping they can make a final decision tomorrow. I originally wanted to go into labour spontaneously but now I'm just concerned that the baby is here and healthy. So if they mention induction then I will be all over that. Every time I go to one of these things and have an NST (non-stress test) the baby doesn't seem to want to move around for them and the fetal heart rate dips to the lower end. Then they end up sending me across the street to Mt. Sinai where they hook me up to the NST again for a couple hours and then, after they see things are ok, they ultimately send me home to wait it out. Damn this fucking atenolol!! If I didn't have to be on it for the arrhythmia I would be off of it in a heart beat (mind the pun). But it is one of those necessary things that will be with me for the rest of my life. Its just times like these where it gets trying. And the worrying that you are making the best decision for your unborn baby. I really hope this kid gets off easier than Gavin and doesn't have be cursed with his/hers mother's bad genetics.
So I've been distracting myself in my free time with this stupid blog and probably annoying the shit out of anyone actually reading this thing. So maybe instead of completely venting this time I'll take the positive approach. Take stock of the wonderful things in my life and what makes me happy. In some particular order...
1. My incredibly patient and loving husband. You are my prize fighter. I really hate to think of how my life would have been without you in it. I love our quiet little moments when its just me and you and a couple glasses of really good wine and some good conversation. You always have great things to say. I love you.
2. My beautiful little boy who has the personality of a rock star. How can so much spirit be wrapped up into such a small package? I've never known this kind of love for another human being until I had him. And like Donna likes to remind me, he will always be my first born and my little boy. Even when he's 32 and has a family all his own.
3. The newest little addition to our fam. I can't wait to finally meet you in hopefully the next week or so?? We have been so busy from the moment we found out we were having you. Sometimes too busy to just sit still and take it all in.
4. My amazing friends and family who always seem to make time for me and are my lifeline. Especially this last month. Never stray too far away. I have a hard time asking for help. But I can always use it! And I love you all for being there.
5. My neighbourhood and my ultra sweet kinda kooky neighbours. I know they are gonna make the years ahead living on this street an exciting one. Even the winos outside of Lucky Dice make life interesting.
6. Marley, my extremely needy Golden Retriever, and his partner in crime, Moe (the cat).
7. The noise of the streetcar passing by from my bedroom window. I missed that sound.
8. The sweet Portuguese lady behind the counter at the Bakery on the corner.
9. Decorating my house and seeing it turn into a home before my eyes. Especially my kids rooms.
10. Daydreaming about being an old lady sitting out on the front porch in 40 years time.
11. Tipsy late night/early morn dancing in dark sticky bars where the DJ plays all my favourite tunes.
12. Platforms like this one that let me get everything OUT. Its good to get things out.
delusions and conclusions
I am feeling VERY pregnant and VERY pissy. I need to vent. If I offend in the process then I'm just gonna blame it on the hormones. These are the delusions of myself and others and the conclusions that I have drown from them. In no particular order...
1. I am not super woman or super mom. If God intended me to be that way he would have at least supplied me with a frickin' cape and a personal assistant dammit!
2. I would much rather enjoy living in the moment and enjoy my family than worrying about what I'm going to cook them for dinner next Tuesday night.
3. Who says a young sexy mama can't still go out and paint the town red? WHO SAYS??!!??
4. Charts and graphs are for anal retentive control freaks. I'm not quite there yet.
5. Stroked egos are a bloody epidemic. You can bake a cake, you can knit a scarf...yay team you! Get the fuck over it.
6. If we saw you as a martyr as much you see yourself as one then we would have nailed you to a cross by now. Trust me!
7. When I say I'm tired and don't want to talk I really do mean it. There is no need to read between the lines.
8. Did an over stuffed hamper or a sink stacked with dirty dishes ever stop the world from turning?
9. Sometimes cheese strings and pizza are good enough. Right Gavin?
10. "Opinions are like assholes. Everyone's got one and everyone thinks everybody else's stinks." Just a quote I often keep in my back pocket for when I'm in this sorta mood. And if you think my opinions stink then who said you had to read this?
That's all I got at the moment. I'm sure I'll find some more gems up my sleeve.
2. I would much rather enjoy living in the moment and enjoy my family than worrying about what I'm going to cook them for dinner next Tuesday night.
3. Who says a young sexy mama can't still go out and paint the town red? WHO SAYS??!!??
4. Charts and graphs are for anal retentive control freaks. I'm not quite there yet.
5. Stroked egos are a bloody epidemic. You can bake a cake, you can knit a scarf...yay team you! Get the fuck over it.
6. If we saw you as a martyr as much you see yourself as one then we would have nailed you to a cross by now. Trust me!
7. When I say I'm tired and don't want to talk I really do mean it. There is no need to read between the lines.
8. Did an over stuffed hamper or a sink stacked with dirty dishes ever stop the world from turning?
9. Sometimes cheese strings and pizza are good enough. Right Gavin?
10. "Opinions are like assholes. Everyone's got one and everyone thinks everybody else's stinks." Just a quote I often keep in my back pocket for when I'm in this sorta mood. And if you think my opinions stink then who said you had to read this?
That's all I got at the moment. I'm sure I'll find some more gems up my sleeve.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I Was the Perfect Mom...and Then I Had Kids
So I just caught a very interesting segment on City Line (Family Show) today. Host Tracy Moore spoke with comedian/author Jessica Holmes (you may know her best from her skit comedy show Royal Canadian Air Farce) and after watching it I feel really inspired. Not to mention, I also feel a little less crazy. Jessica has a new book out titled, 'I Love Your Laugh, Finding the Light in My Screwball Life'. On the show today she discussed topics in her book where she speaks about being a new Mom and the pressures of outside opinions and from other Mom's and the dreaded "Mommy Circles". One of the chapters in her book is jokingly titled, 'I Was the Perfect Mom (and Then I Had Kids)'.The gist of the conversation was basically Jessica describing her experiences with the dreaded opinionated mother's out there and how she actually bought into a lot of it to the detriment of her family. She explained that, probably due to her comedy background, she had a fairly laid back approach to parenting, but when she was confronted with certain opinions she felt she had to conform and change her style to reflect those around her. Jessica recounted an experience of how another mother told her that her daughter was too old to be using a bottle. When Jessica got home that night she took the bottle away from her daughter and there were water works all around (even her husband was not impressed).
Jessica and Relationship Therapist, Dr. Karyn Gordon, went on to discuss how now-a-days women are becoming our own bully's and that it's time to break the silence. Too often we feel we have to be super woman and live up to other people's ideas of motherhood. If you are secure in your parenting style then that is awesome, but leave at that. Don't shove your opinions down other people's throats because we as women carry that with us and feel like we need to live up to those standards and definitions. The list of mommy/parenting debates is endless (i.e. cloth vs regular diapers, breast vs bottle, sippy cups, self soothing, homemade vs store bought food, sign language...and on and on and on). It's enough to make a first timer wanna check herself into a padded room. And with 10-20% of women experiencing Post Partum Depression is there any wonder why they wouldn't??
Tracy told an amusing story about her experiences in the mommy circles. She said how she only spoke to a couple other women at her's because all of the others where too busy comparing each others child and going off on opinionated tirades. She actually spoke of a woman who insisted her 6 week old said 'I love you'. I'm sorry but give me a fucking break.
It's easy to stay away from the blogs, posts, and mommy circles that don't nuture or build up our confidence as mothers but quite another obstacle if you have these dreaded creatures in your family or circle-of-friends. I guess my best advice is to try and keep a stiff upper lip but at the end of the day don't be afraid to speak up for yourself and defend your position as a mom either because you have something to be proud of and the way you are doing things is amazing.
What it all comes down to for me is just what Jessica said so eloquently...I'm a mother but I'm a woman first!
P.S. 39 weeks today! I can't wait to finally meet you Baby #2!
Jessica and Relationship Therapist, Dr. Karyn Gordon, went on to discuss how now-a-days women are becoming our own bully's and that it's time to break the silence. Too often we feel we have to be super woman and live up to other people's ideas of motherhood. If you are secure in your parenting style then that is awesome, but leave at that. Don't shove your opinions down other people's throats because we as women carry that with us and feel like we need to live up to those standards and definitions. The list of mommy/parenting debates is endless (i.e. cloth vs regular diapers, breast vs bottle, sippy cups, self soothing, homemade vs store bought food, sign language...and on and on and on). It's enough to make a first timer wanna check herself into a padded room. And with 10-20% of women experiencing Post Partum Depression is there any wonder why they wouldn't??
Tracy told an amusing story about her experiences in the mommy circles. She said how she only spoke to a couple other women at her's because all of the others where too busy comparing each others child and going off on opinionated tirades. She actually spoke of a woman who insisted her 6 week old said 'I love you'. I'm sorry but give me a fucking break.
It's easy to stay away from the blogs, posts, and mommy circles that don't nuture or build up our confidence as mothers but quite another obstacle if you have these dreaded creatures in your family or circle-of-friends. I guess my best advice is to try and keep a stiff upper lip but at the end of the day don't be afraid to speak up for yourself and defend your position as a mom either because you have something to be proud of and the way you are doing things is amazing.
What it all comes down to for me is just what Jessica said so eloquently...I'm a mother but I'm a woman first!
P.S. 39 weeks today! I can't wait to finally meet you Baby #2!
http://www.citytv.com/cityline/show/micro/episode/119562--march-23-2011
http://www.jessicaholmes.com/index.html
Thursday, March 17, 2011
PRENATAL APPOINTMENTS FROM HELL!!!!
Ok, so I fucking forgot how much I hate this particular period of pregnancy. Not the backache, sleepless nights, small bladder, etc. etc. But something quite more annoying. THE FUCKING WAITING ROOMS AT THE OBGYN's OFFICE!!!
Let me break down some descriptions of the 'usual suspects'. We have a few annoying ass wipes to go through so we'll go down the list individually.
First we have what I like to call 'Annoying Clingy Husband'. He likes to make mindless small talk with his equally irritating wife and nervously kick his crossed leg in the air, thus turning my seat beside him into some kind of pseudo rocking chair. But it was my understanding that rocking chairs are meant to be comfortable and relaxing...this my friends is NOT! He does not pick up on subtle hints that he is being annoying as fuck until you have to physically get up and move to another seat for a little respite.
Next we have the seat shifters. These are the morons that are never satisfied with their seat and have to move to what they deem as better "real estate" in the waiting room neighbourhood...every fucking five minutes!!! Do you really think the closest seat is gonna get you in to see the Doc any faster?? I mean REALLY??
Next we have the one's who think they missed hearing their name get called so they have to go up to the receptionist every two seconds to "just make sure". Take an anti-anxiety pill and sit the fuck down! They also like to know how many patients are ahead of them. Because really, the receptionist has time to keep track of where the hell you are in line??
Then we have the huffers and sighers. They are prone to always being exasperated and have to let you and the rest of the waiting room know it. Combined with this they suffer with ADHD and have to riffle through their purse for lip balm, or chewing gum, or their precious crack berry. And make no mistake, they will verbalize their disgust at the wait time, how sore they are, how tired they are, how hungry they are...you get the picture.
News Flash!!!! You and the other 50 pregnant women in here are sore, tired, and hungry and have been waiting 3hrs before finally being seen by just the nurse. But some of us do things to try and cope without waiving our misery in other peoples faces!! For instance, some of us bring reading materials (and NO...reading your Facebook Wall doesn't count), snacks, and try to remember that we aren't animals in a God damn zoo!!!
What gets me through it all? Knowing that at the end of a day like today I get to come home and see my smiling happy little boy who is still innocent and oblivious to all of this madness. And all he wants to do is show me his newest dance moves and get smiles and cuddles in return.
Now that I've got that off my chest I feel much better. Next appointment is Monday, 8:45am sharp. I'm going to bed. Night y'all.
Let me break down some descriptions of the 'usual suspects'. We have a few annoying ass wipes to go through so we'll go down the list individually.
First we have what I like to call 'Annoying Clingy Husband'. He likes to make mindless small talk with his equally irritating wife and nervously kick his crossed leg in the air, thus turning my seat beside him into some kind of pseudo rocking chair. But it was my understanding that rocking chairs are meant to be comfortable and relaxing...this my friends is NOT! He does not pick up on subtle hints that he is being annoying as fuck until you have to physically get up and move to another seat for a little respite.
Next we have the seat shifters. These are the morons that are never satisfied with their seat and have to move to what they deem as better "real estate" in the waiting room neighbourhood...every fucking five minutes!!! Do you really think the closest seat is gonna get you in to see the Doc any faster?? I mean REALLY??
Next we have the one's who think they missed hearing their name get called so they have to go up to the receptionist every two seconds to "just make sure". Take an anti-anxiety pill and sit the fuck down! They also like to know how many patients are ahead of them. Because really, the receptionist has time to keep track of where the hell you are in line??
Then we have the huffers and sighers. They are prone to always being exasperated and have to let you and the rest of the waiting room know it. Combined with this they suffer with ADHD and have to riffle through their purse for lip balm, or chewing gum, or their precious crack berry. And make no mistake, they will verbalize their disgust at the wait time, how sore they are, how tired they are, how hungry they are...you get the picture.
News Flash!!!! You and the other 50 pregnant women in here are sore, tired, and hungry and have been waiting 3hrs before finally being seen by just the nurse. But some of us do things to try and cope without waiving our misery in other peoples faces!! For instance, some of us bring reading materials (and NO...reading your Facebook Wall doesn't count), snacks, and try to remember that we aren't animals in a God damn zoo!!!
What gets me through it all? Knowing that at the end of a day like today I get to come home and see my smiling happy little boy who is still innocent and oblivious to all of this madness. And all he wants to do is show me his newest dance moves and get smiles and cuddles in return.
Now that I've got that off my chest I feel much better. Next appointment is Monday, 8:45am sharp. I'm going to bed. Night y'all.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Feeling Kookie
David Bowie
Kooks
Will you stay in our Lovers' Story
If you stay you won't be sorry
'Cause we believe in you
Soon you'll grow so take a chance
With a couple of Kooks
Hung up on romancing
We bought a lot of things
to keep you warm and dry
And a funny old crib on which the paint won't dry
I bought you a pair of shoes
A trumpet you can blow
And a book of rules
On what to say to people
when they pick on you
'Cause if you stay with us you're gonna be pretty Kookie too
And if you ever have to go to school
Remember how they messed up
this old fool
Don't pick fights with the bullies
or the cads
'Cause I'm not much cop at punching other people's Dads
And if the homework brings you down
Then we'll throw it on the fire
And take the car downtown
Kooks
Will you stay in our Lovers' Story
If you stay you won't be sorry
'Cause we believe in you
Soon you'll grow so take a chance
With a couple of Kooks
Hung up on romancing
We bought a lot of things
to keep you warm and dry
And a funny old crib on which the paint won't dry
I bought you a pair of shoes
A trumpet you can blow
And a book of rules
On what to say to people
when they pick on you
'Cause if you stay with us you're gonna be pretty Kookie too
And if you ever have to go to school
Remember how they messed up
this old fool
Don't pick fights with the bullies
or the cads
'Cause I'm not much cop at punching other people's Dads
And if the homework brings you down
Then we'll throw it on the fire
And take the car downtown
Sunday, March 13, 2011
InsideToronto Article: AT ISSUE: Lakeshore's new generation moves in
Found this article to be touching on something that a lot of New Torontonians are feeling right now. As someone who went to school in New Toronto and grew up in Long Branch I feel I've earned the right to stick my foot out there and say that Mimico, New Toronto, and Long Branch have always been known as the blue collar, working-class, rough around the edges neighbourhoods. My Dad moved down from Timmins with his family when he was 18 to a small apartment in Mimico. He still fondly boasts about how 'you were careful who you messed around with in Mimico'. But it's these same traits that give these particular neighbourhoods their charm and character and sets them apart from the uptight, yuppie, hipster neighbourhoods sprawling up in other parts of the city. Not to mention its a big reason why myself and Brandon wanted to move back here. It has that uniqueness about it that is so difficult to describe to anyone else (dare I say 'outsiders'). I'm sure growing up in these neighbourhoods had a profound impact on shaping MY character (it's all making sense now, eh guys?). Granted I wouldn't mind a Starbucks (I enjoy my caffe Americano as much as the next gal), but as the new generation patiently waits for change and revitalization to return lets hope these neighbourhoods never lose their original grit in the process.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
A Post Before Going Postpartum
Trying to get one last post in here before the big day arrives. That's been the story of my life these past couple of weeks since officially going on maternity leave. It's an endless list of getting in as many appointments as possible, organizing the house, unpacking some more boxes from the move in November, painting the nursery and Gavin's room...did I say yet how exhausted I am? But I have to say that I have this thing about painting...I absolutely love it! Maybe it's from watching my Dad paint as a kid and seeing how much pride and precision he took in it? The nursery is a lovely shade of springy green. 'Japanese Fern' to be precise. And Gavin's room is called 'Cloudless'. A whimsical sky blue fit perfectly for a boy! I've got some large 'Curious George' decals from Pottery Barn to place along his walls. He's a big fan of George. I'm hoping that in another 13 years time those walls will be covered up by Nirvana posters and concert tickets. Just like Mom and Dad's were.
Here's me today almost done painting Gavin's room...
I've tackled most of the items on my list and plan to be ready to rock by weekends end. That is when I give baby permission to make their big debut. Did you hear that little one? I'll also be 37 weeks by that time which will put me at term and also put my mind at greater ease.
All in all it has been a slightly bumpier ride during this pregnancy compared to when I was pregnant with Gavin. The first trimester was pretty much 3 full months of nausea and vomiting. Me and Mr. Toilet Bowl became good friends. The second trimester gave me a little jolt of energy right in time for our big move down to Toronto. But that energy slowly dwindled away after a few months of the 5:30am wake up call and winter commuting to work from Toronto to Newmarket and back again everyday. I'm sorry if offend any hardcore "stay-at-home moms" out there, but I think a lot of you truly take the gift you have for granted. Instead of standing on your soap box and pleading your case to the masses you should relax a little and realize that those of us on the other side of the fence would love to be home with our kids being our own bosses. Sorry...did I speak up for myself? I don't know what came over me. I'll shut up now.
Anyways, I had a terrific 2 week break over the Christmas holidays which gave me the refresher I needed to take on the third trimester. This time I've been having a lot more back issues than I ever remember having with Gavin. But maybe that's because I'm running around after an 18-month-old? The commute still sucked. Especially getting caught in storms on the way home which delayed me seeing my little guy for an extra 30 minutes. Another thing some stay-at-home mom's take for granted...time. I've also noticed a lot of soreness in my ligaments this time around. These conditions were only aggravated by sitting at a desk for 8hrs. And then to top things off around 33 - 34 weeks we found out that the baby was breech. This sent me in panic mode and it was all I could think of. The last thing I need is to have a c-section with a toddler to care for alongside a newborn and a set of stairs to contend with...and a dog and cat who like to get in the way from time to time. I got online and looked up different techniques and exercises, elicited advice from Facebook pals, and even had a consult with a chiropractor. But thankfully we found out last week at my ultrasound that the baby had turned to a heads down position. It happened the night before the ultrasound. Me and Brandon were relaxing on the couch watching t.v. after putting Gavin up for the night when all of the sudden I felt the craziest turn! I saw what appeared to be the little person's elbow do a circle right across my abdomen. It was almost a little too much for comfort but at least they got the job done. Let's just cross our fingers that he/she stays that way!
Thankfully, I've been followed by a terrific team of Physicians in the Special Pregnancy Program at Mount Sinai. My case is considered high risk again because of my heart arrhythmia and the potential for the syndrome to be passed along to the baby (as was the case for Gavin). I find them to be so much more laid back than the high risk protocol at Southlake (Newmarket). But I guess being a downtown hospital specializing in high risk obstetrical cases this is their area of expertise and they know when and when not to panic. They are still firm on aspects of the labour and delivery that they would like me to stick to (i.e. early epidural due to the fact that pain can induce heart arrhythmia and could consequently bring on cardiac arrest). But they did say that baring everything goes smoothly I won't have to be induced this time. This would be awesome because I never got to experience the natural feeling of going into labour with Gavin. When you are induced there is no gradual progression to your labour and contractions. Once the pitocin starts those contractions start coming fast and furious! But either way I will do whatever it takes as long as it means bringing a healthy baby into this world. I've seen the incredible things that the medical world can do and had first hand experience so I am definitely not here to argue with them.
So that's been the story thus far. I think the next time I'll probably be on here will be for a postpartum post?? And of course the big question is still...is it a boy or a girl?
We'll see????
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