back to the drawing board

It's been a busy summer.  Too busy if you ask me.  But as a working mom I felt driven out of guilt to make something out of every weekend.  Literally squeezing the life out every minute from 5pm Friday to 8:30pm Sunday.  Even though it damn near killed me physically and mentally.  Even though my 3 year old and 17 month old may never remember all of our travels and escapades.

I'm glad the summer is over and we can stop posting pics on social forums along with everyone else to compete on who was having the better time.

I feel like I'm drowning some days.  My mind is never 100% at work and never 100% with my kids.  My mind is all over the place.  Making lists and plans for shit that doesn't even matter.  I'm tired.  I'm sick of driving the 2 hour commute every day.  I feel burnt out.  Missed two days of work this week over a cold that's kicked me in the ass.  I've had a wave of interviews in the city so hopefully something comes up SOON.

Some people ask...why don't you stay at home?  Not so easy (such is my case with most things) because I'm in that percentage of gals that really enjoy what I do (most days)...and yes that doesn't mean I don't love my babes any less.  It's a constant internal battle with myself on whether I'm a good enough mom to them or not and am I doing right by them. 


I just get a kick out of people when they ask what's wrong?  And I say...'nothing, I'm just tired'...and then they look at me all surprised...and shit.  These are people without kids btw.  Who's biggest hurdle is getting out of bed by 11am.

Okay, that last paragraph was a little harsh.  I'm a little cranky tonight.



Dear Gavin and Mary Joan,

I know this is a crazy little blip in our lives right now but we wouldn't trade the craziness for anything.  Even though Mom and Dad look like zombies some days and we seem frustrated at times its not because we don't love you or are mad at you.  Its because we love you SO MUCH, and want to do the best we can for you.   So much so that sometimes we get too hung up on the little things.  We'll try and chill out a little more.

Love your screwball parents