Oh my lord! Less than three weeks and I'm back to the grind. I can't say months anymore. It's merely a matter of weeks. I am excited, sad, and scared shit less all wrapped in one. I've got so many reservations about the whole back to work thing but everyone I know who has been through it has assured me it's a piece of cake. Piece of cake my ass! Liars!
We've tried to cram as much fun and good memories into this last year as we could. It's safe to say we were pretty successful. That's one thing about being on maternity leave - you never take time for granted! This is just a new chapter in my so-called motherhood I guess. I'm sure I'll figure it out and work out all the kinks just like I did when I became a Mom for the first time.
I'm trying my best to be positive instead of submitting to the crippling anxiety and heartache of it all (I know, I'm very dramatic. It's my thing!). I've got an appointment on Friday to get my hair done. Maybe I'll go for bangs again and then treat myself to some new sexy little back to work outfits. Nothing too wild of course. I do still work in a hospital in Newmarket. Blah. Brandon assures me we'll be back in Toronto in less than a year. But that's another blog post all together.
I know the first week is going to be the hardest. If I can just make it through that first week I know I'll be ok. Right? The hubby keeps saying 'you'll be fine'. That's all well and good but sometimes you don't wanna hear 'you'll be fine'. Instead, you just wanna cry into your pillow and be immature about it all. It would have been nice to go back to work part time. Maybe after the next bebe it will be possible. It's just not in the financial cards right now. I envy those who can make the whole single income thing work. But I know in our situation we would be cutting things too tight. I don't want to live like that nor would I do that to my family. Not to mention putting all that pressure onto to Brandon. To each his own as they say. Until then I'll just keep playing the lottery like all the other working stiffs.Don't get me wrong. There is a selfish part of me that is looking forward to going back to work. Definitely looking forward to socializing with others who refuse to let babies dominate the focus of the conversation. Anyone who knows me well knows that even though I love my boy to death nothing will put me to sleep faster than talking about babies. I'd much rather talk about the first concert I'll be taking him to or where I'm going on my next fantasy vacation sans kiddo. Maybe that's why no one asked me to join the "Newmarket Mommy Circle"? Opps, my bad.
On miserable days at work when nothing seems to be going right and I've got a crazy Manager breathing down my neck about quotas I'll get to drive off and pick him up from Nina's. There he'll be, running to the door with that hammy smile of his and I'll pick him up and give him a great big bear hug. Then we'll go home and make dinner, have a bath, read a few stories, and get up the next day and do it all over again. That's gonna make all of it worth while.
I think this is gonna be a piece of cake for Mighty Mouse. He's like a social butterfly. I think the poor thing gets bored of me half the time. A mommy is only exciting for so long. Then Daddy comes home and look out! So this will be his first little taste of independence. I know it's more scary for me. The daycare provider actually wants me to drop him off for a couple of trial runs the week before I go back to work. I'm sure more for my preparation than anything else.
First day back Cheryl will be seated at her desk with a picture of her little man starring back at her, a well stocked box of tissues, and the daycare's number on speed dial close at hand.
It is easy to be brave from a safe distance. ~
Necessity makes even the timid brave. ~ Sallust
